Tonight my body is in Salt Lake City. I'm in the ICU watching after my patients as usual. There's always a dog panting, a cat meowing, or a puppy crying for someone to hold him. This is my usual, and I'll do the same thing tomorrow and the day after that.
Today however my heart, mind and soul are hundreds of miles away. My family has had a hard year. Mom got cancer, my nephew was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, and my brother is going through a bad divorce. Today is his preliminary custody hearing, and even though I want to show him how much I care, and support him, I can't, because I'm here.
I feel like I haven't been much support for any of them this year. I try to be there when they need, but with work and the cost of living, plus gas to get from here to there, its hard. Am I being selfish?
I want to be there for my sister when her son goes through all of this, to give her a hug or watch him for a minute so she can catch her breath.
I want to throw my arms around my mother every day, and tell her how strong she is, and that if anyone can beat such an evil disease it's her!
I want to take a truck ride with my dad, get him his vanilla ice cream and go sit at the lake, not talking, just enjoying the mountain air, and waiting for this fish to bite.
I want to show my brother I love him, and that even though the worst is happening to him, there is still love in this world.
But I can't.
If the stars could carry feelings
and the wind could tight embrace
I'd send my heart in the clouds
To you
This and every single day.
I love you everyone, I want to be there today. More than anything.
Kristalynn
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